He stood over her. Not overbearing. Not authoritative. Just…over her. His hand came to rest gently on her shoulder, a a surge of protective warmth and LOVE surged through her veins, so deeply, so fiercely, her skin, her blood burned with the passion of it. She couldn’t bear to look up and see him. Not even his hand. Not even turn her eyes to see his feet. She clenched shut her eyes, torn and bitter at the shame of her guilt and emptiness and utter lack.  She failed, again and again. She wasn’t strong enough to do what the others could do, not clever enough. Not bold enough.

<I didn’t ask you to do what they’re doing.>

But you gave us all a purpose, her thoughts delved ahead, shamelessly.  A bold purpose, a true purpose. One she’d failed at doing.

<Why, then, do you try?>

She wanted to say it was because she desired it. That she longed to see the True Purpose come to fruition.  But He knew the truth in her heart before she could find the words to explain it. Because I’m supposed to, she told Him. You told us to. You gave us Your Purpose, and set us into this world to accomplish it.  She waited for his admonition. His disappointment. A true follower would desire to see His Purpose carried out. A true follower would not obey out of obligation or a sense of duty, but because of the joy that came from Him and his Life.  This would mean she was not a true follower. That she was doing something wrong. He would send her back into the world, and when the time came, He would turn His face away when she came with so little.

<Do you love Me?>

Her eyes moistened and she blinked rapidly to clear them. It should not have been a difficult question to answer. All her life came from Him. His hands had brought her into being, His arm protected her from the Enemies.  She had been made perfect by Him.  All these things were known.  All these things were truth. All these things would surely, surely mean One was deserving of love.  A bitter shell of shame and terror began to solidify over her heart.  No…she barely whispered. No, I do not. Please don’t turn me away. Please don’t turn your face. Please don’t take your hand from me, your Presence from Me, your Love from me. I won’t be able to handle it. I won’t be able to bear it. There’ll be nothing to stand for, nothing to live for. No purpose. No Truth.  I want to, she said. I do, I do, I do want to. If I did, would I be better?  Would you like me better?

<Why do you think doing better would change how I feel about you?>

Oh, it must. If I loved you, I would be joyful. I would gladly do my work. I would be filled with such desire for the Purpose it would overtake my fears.  I would do better. You would not be ashamed of me. You would not turn your face when I fail.  You would see me doing as the others do; their Purpose with joy and eagerness.  As you first called us to do, for which you Formed me to do.  I would be worthy of You.

<No one is worthy of Me.>

Of… of course. of course I know that. Of course I know that we were re-made out of the dark. Of course I know that our first existence was one of selfishness and anger and…I just want to make you proud.  I don’t want to grieve you with my failings.


<But I Made you anyway.  You are Mine.>

Yes…yes, she knows that.  That was why He deserved it. Love. Honor. Obedience.

<Why do you still fear?>

Because I don’t do enough. There is so much. Too much.


<Do you believe I would turn you away?>

Wouldn’t you? One who is disobedient? On who knows Your authority, yet turns away?

<You are Mine.>

Yes, yes she knows that.  But she’s not doing enough. Not doing her Purpose. The right way, the right direction.

<You are Mine.>

Yes, yes, she knows that. But constantly distracted, desiring of other things.  Selfish. Fearful. Not enough.

<You are Mine.>


<You are Mine.>


<Can anyone take away what is Mine?>

…No. No, of course not. But it would not be taken away, merely left behind…

<You are Mine.>

But I’m not enough!

<That is immaterial. I did not Make you to be enough.  I Made you to be Mine.>

But I’m not doing my Purpose! Your Purpose!

<You are Mine.>

What if I get it wrong, my entire life? What if I never find my Purpose?

<You are Mine.>

Will I ever get better? Will I ever love You?

<Do you trust Me?>

….She doesn’t know what that looks like.

<You are Mine.>



A surge of protective warmth and LOVE surged through her veins, so deeply, so fiercely, so true: her skin, her blood burned with the power of it. It called to her, called to the deepest abyss of her weary soul, her tired wings. Deep called unto the depths, and she could not help but lift her eyes. Her soul fought past the brokenness, the fear, the shame and the guilt to find the wellspring of Life and Hope.  Past his feet, past his hands, up to the radiant Light and Breath that was Him.  His face was acceptance and love and truth.

<You are Mine.>